Fat Shame

I love reading Jezebel because it is basically written as if I were having a conversation at drunk brunch with my pissed off best friend.  Today they posted an article about the fat shaming of Lady Gaga.  Seriously?  We're fat shaming her??? She gained what?... Five pounds?  Maybe ten?  This is the worst of all the photos I could fine of her.  The rest I literally couldn't see the difference.

Ugh.  It's enough to make you quit life.  I mean, I can barely tell the difference in all the photos, but this one.  I know when Christina gained weight I was surprised.  Mainly because it was like one day she was scary skinny and the next she was pretty notably 'curvy'.  I still don't think she's the beast the media makes her out to be.  I was more just surprised by how quickly she had a totally different looking figure.  However, as someone who is occasionally on camera, 5lbs difference is huge.  Much less 20lbs.  Whatever the weight change is - double it on camera.  If you gain 5lbs it looks like 10lbs, 10lbs looks like 20lbs, 20lbs looks like 40lbs and so on!  It's the worst.  Every bit of fat on your body shows on camera.  And trust me, nothing can hide it.

People on the internet call me fat.  It's something I have to deal with.  It hurts.  Not as much anymore.  Particularly because I know it's often from people who aren't so hot themselves.  In fact, I have never known an attractive adult who has ever lashed out in this way.  Not to say they don't exist.  I am sure they do.  They just don't care about me in my experience.

All in all, it's just a bummer.  Women are scrutinized for their weight.  It's not enough to be crazy talented and that is just sad.  Furthermore, I bet if you saw these women at their current weight on the street, you'd be like: 'Daaaaayaaaaam.  That's a hot piece.'  I guess on some level it also really just crazy bums me out because frankly, right now I think Christina and I are pretty close to the same size and all anyone can do is talk about what a fat ass she is at present.  It's worth noting that I am in a healthy BMI index.  I am strong.  I don't think any of my friends would even call me fat necessarily (to my face).  I'm just curvy.  Yes.  I have a weight loss blog.  Yes, I'd prefer to look more like early Christina than present Christina.  I can admit that.  However it bums me out that it's such an issue and that for my job I can't just be talented.  I need to be 'fuckable'... and apparently having full breasts and hips isn't desirable these says. 

What do you think?

A work in progress

My cold has subsided and I have lived to tell the tale.  The last week or two has been stressful.  I got sick.  Got some bad news.  Have to rearrange a bunch.  Basically, I have the feeling that I will have a string of good excuses for why I am not accomplishing more.  Therefore, I pretty much have to resist cutting myself too much slack.  I am a busy New Yorker with three jobs and time is always an issue for me.  I just have to work on my time management and sleep management. 

Here I am going to try to celebrate my wins more than my loses.  Well. I am going to try to... I live a Liz Lemon-ish, make-fun-of-my-life-failures existence so this may take some practice.

WINS!
I slept more than I usually do and I have actually on occasion gone to bed before midnight. (Sorry, Colbert)
I went to the gym twice.  I even took a pole dancing class.  (Yes, I got bruises and looked ridiculous, but at least I tried and it was a really good work out! Ouch!)
I didn't eat out NEARLY as much as I normally do.  I even... cooked... the most dreaded word on my vocabulary.

GOALS (for next week)
MORE sleep
MORE raw fruits and veggies
MORE exercise

Coming in October is NY Comic Con which is a big deal for me as I work in the comic industry.  I'd really like to Cosplay, but there is no way I'd feel comfortable at my current weight.  What are the chances I can make some head way before October 11th?  We'll see...

Checking In

So guys, last week was sort of a wash.  I was out of town and drinking and eating like a fiend.  So this week I am working on doing better.  I have an epic cold, so we'll see how this week goes.  Oof.  Rock start but still plugging away.

L

Day 1

Off to the races.  I forgot to weigh myself.  Oh joy!  Well so much for that.  I will weigh myself tonight or tomorrow morning.  I prefer to weigh myself first thing in the morning, post-pee/pre-breakfast and completely naked as the good lord intended.  Otherwise too many variables will affect my weight.  I started off my day with a large iced coffee and an egg and cheese sandwich.  I guess some habits die hard.  This has been my idea of a healthy breakfast because I normally just eat a muffin or nothing or a granola bar.  All of which are way over processed.  Because I realize if I try to make too many huge changes all at once I will fail.  I know this about myself.  I cannot starve myself or run 700 miles all at once.  I need to make some smaller gradual changes. 

So here are my not so epic, but not so easy for me goals.

To eliminate sweets and fried foots: Because I am almost never home, I rarely cook, which often results in eating rich and fatty foods or picking up the random sweet treat from my corner bodega.  I don't think of myself who eats junk, but if I am honest with myself potato chips call my name in the middle of the night.  And I often wait so late at night to eat they are my only option at the bodega... ok not my ONLY option, but the one I choose is chips most of the time.  So in order to support the elimination of sweets and fatty food, I will need a second goal.

Find a better eating schedule and go to bed more consistently.  I often skip meals, so I eat late, so then I stay up late.  It's a vicious cycle.  I know the only way I can get a hold of my life is to create a more regular schedule.  I know this will be a challenge because I work three jobs and I really really love sleeping in.  Some nights I have shows until midnight and other days I need to be up for work by 6:30am.  Not sleeping ups your cortisol which makes your belly fat, I think I am their poster child at the moment.  I know I am sleep deprived at present because I have literally had a notable eye twitch for two weeks and a month or two ago I completely skipped a period due to stress.  Basically, I am effing my body on the daily.  And as far as knowing my body is concerned, I know I gain weight when I am not getting enough rest, plain and simple.

Start working in more exercise:  I know that just eating and getting my schedule together will be a huge deal for me this week, but I still am going to try to get moving.  I am going to cut myself a little slack here.  I am hoping to get in the gym twice this week and find more time for walks during the day.

And water!  Lots of water!

... here we go....

Starting Is the Thing

First off I made this blog pink as shit to scare all dudes away.  Take that men who want to read about my chub business or get a peep at me in my underwear!  (We'll get to the me in my underwear part in a minute.)

So I am starting a journey into weight loss. I have ventured many times before, but I am so inspired by my friend Sarah's website smaller-sarah.blogspot.com that I am making my own in hopes of being thrust into greatness... or less-greatness in this case. I have a tumblr called Me In My Underwear where I posted fitness goals and things - or at least I did...  It didn't stick for a number of reasons.  Namely because I was more interested in having a cool tumblr than a way to lose weight.  Apparently sitting on your computer all day doesn't burn as many calories as I had hoped.  I also recognize that creating a free website to track your journey isn't enough. I am hoping that having a more trackable account of my weight loss will help to keep me accountable. 

I am a performer and comedian in NYC and competition is pretty stiff.  I am at a place where I feel that my career would benefit, not to mention my love life. I have been single for nearly a year and I actually have a ... boyfriend?  I guess that's what we're calling it at present.  Basically, there is a new man in my life, who I feel cautiously optimistic about and I want to be an attractive and healthy partner for him. I mean, I am lucky he already likes me at the weight I am, but I would like to feel more confidence in my body and self so that I can be a better partner.  I actually feel fairly confident in my body, but I am near my highest weight ever and I want to get a handle on it before middle age comes looming over my head.  Sexy right?  So here's the breakdown:

The goals at present: 
-To weigh in once a week and journal about my process To eat as much raw food as I like, while limiting processed and heavily cooked items
-To cut out eating after 9pm (I am a comedian and performer and I live a late night, booze laden life... or I did... this will be interesting to negotiate)
-Limiting alcohol and empty calorie beverages, and instead drinking lots of water
-Try to find at least 30 minutes to walk every day and 3 times a week for a full workout.

The Long term goal:
Lose 30lbs in 6 months. This should be totally doable if one can lose 2lbs per week healthily.

The celebration: 
When I hit my goal weight I am going to spring for a super sexy photoshoot in my underwear. And I am gonna post them on facebook and all over this damn blog, like one of those annoying girls from high school. Because, well... I will deserve it.  Look forward to something like this around March 2013.

Source

Wish me luck!